Bitch Slap
by Dysthymia
Summary: A fan gets bitch slapped by quite a number of comic book characters, and a few TV show characters. Yes, the person DID ask me to write this.


Jason Todd stopped a man in the street. "Hey, are you Logan Reed Williams?"

"Yes, I am," the man answered.

Jason pulls out his gun and slaps the man in the face with it. "I heard you called me the Red Palm! So I'm giving you a good bitch slapping!" Jason slapped him with his gun some more.

He looked up. "Hey, writer lady, can I use a crowbar on him?"

"No, you may not. And I am not writing from an aerial view. Now, hit him a few more times and then get back into the Jaywhore fic and take your clothes back off!" a disembodied voice said.

Jason slaps Williams with his gun a few more times and leaves.

Just as Williams has picked himself up, Tim Drake walks over in his Red Robin persona.

"Logan Reed Williams?" Tim asks.

"Yes?"

"Stop making people slap me!" Tim slaps Williams and walks away. "Hey, Jay! Don't forget I'm in the second Sex Pollen Epidemic fic too!"

"I know, Whore Wonder!" Jason snaps from out of nowhere. "Your girlfriend is making out with Kate Kane and Renee Montoya, remember?"

"Only because you told her to!" Tim whines as he disappears.

Jason laughs evilly. "Blame her, Replacement," he says, clearly indicating the writer.

Williams stared in confusion. He's about to pick himself up, but is yanked off his feet. "Wolverine!" he hollers. "But this isn't the Marvel Universe!"

"Well, someone likes me," Wolverine said. "And I was promised a story." Wolverine smacks Williams across the face. "But I'm not allowed to use my claws. If I do, she doesn't let me have Mariko AND Jean back!"

The writer sighs. "That was not what I said..."

"Well, it's what I want!"

"How about if I let you lobotomize Sabretooth and he goes around thinking he's a little girl and plays with Barbie dolls?"

"Oh, all right... Fine. But I get some lady I shagged back at some point, right?"

"Ok. Now, hit him a little more..."

Wolverine slaps Williams several more times and tosses him into a garbage can before vanishing into thin air.

Mr. Williams struggles to pull himself out of the garbage can. Someone starts slapping his butt and he is yanked out of the garbage can. Barbara Gordon, Stephanie Brown, Cassandra Cain, Selina Kyle, Kate Kane and Renee Montoya all glare at him, along with two other women. "You interrupted my good time," Kate says, slapping him. "I was getting some serious action!"

As Kate disappears, Renee also slaps the man. "This is just because you're a man!" Then she disappears as well.

Steph slaps him. "I was getting to be a slut and you interrupted it! It's not every day that I get Tim, Jason, Cass, Kate, AND Renee!" She slaps him once more and vanishes.

Babs punched Williams in the nose. "And I was getting Dick!"

"You already had Dick!" one of the unknown women snarled. "You even made out with me to get him to do you!"

"Well, I'm getting him again, Laney!" Babs says to the other redhead, wiggling her ass at her.

Laney also slaps Logan Williams. The two disappear.

Selina slapped Williams and disappeared, purring.

Williams looked at Cass and last woman. "And what did I do to you two?" he asks cautiously...

"Jason was fucking me while he watched Steph with Kate and Cass," the blonde woman said, slapping Williams heartily.

"And Jason was fingering me. I was going to have him lick me!" Cass said, punching him. Suddenly, she produced a frilly pink apron, tied it around him. "You're everyone's bitch now."

The Oliver Queen Green Arrow and Connor Hawke show up with Mia, Roy and Dinah. First, Dinah screams and punches Williams. "There. That's better."

Roy and Mia whack Williams with their bows. "I'm pretending you're the guy who killed Lian," Roy said. "And you're Mia's former pimp too," he added as Mia also attacked Williams with her bow.

Ollie gives Williams a good whack in the crotch with his bow as well. "She actually thought of crotch punching first."

Connor slapped Williams with his bow. "The writer thinks I'm sexy!"

Merlyn showed up and whacked Williams with his bow. Ollie announced Merlyn was copying him and gave him an atomic wedgie. "This is not what I was promised!" Merlyn growled.

Helena Bertinelli then showed up and smacked Williams with her crossbow and then Merlyn. "The writer lied to you, you idiot!"

All of the archers and Huntress vanish. The Arrow version of Merlyn showed up then and beat Williams with his bow. "I'm the sexy Merlyn," he whispered before pinching Williams' ass.

"Stop that, John! You're here as Merlyn, not Captain Jack!" the writer scolded.

"It was just a prank!"

"I didn't say you could. Now, go change into your Jack clothes. And do not make out with anyone while you're at it!"

He vanished and was replaced by the Doctor. The Doctor slapped him twelve times. As he turned to go, he suddenly slapped Williams a thirteenth time. "That's from the TARDIS! And I don't know what this one for!" he added as he slapped Williams a fourteenth time. He disappears and is replaced by Captain Jack.

Jack slapped Williams and pinched him. "I'm much sexier than you will ever be! She says so!" He then pinched Williams' ass. "Can I hump him?" he asked the writer.

"No," you may not. You have other things to do. And please try not to have any...poop incidents anywhere, ok? I know it's entertaining to read about, but..."

Batman and Nightwing appear. Jack disappears and the two vigilantes proceed to beat Mr. Williams. They turn out to be pretending he is the Joker.

Soon, Tim and Jason return. Dick and Bruce disappear. "Damn it!" Jason says, "I was busy!" He slapped Williams with his gun several times.

Tim slaps Williams. "I was promised more pussy if I showed up again!"

Jason harrumphed and slapped Williams several more times with his gun. "I was promised more pussy and all the bread I wanted!"

Jason and Tim both fart on Williams before they leave, producing loud, juicy farts.

Logan Reed Williams went home to his girlfriend. "You won't believe what happened to me!" he said.

His girlfriend slapped him. "The Red Palm, really? Slapman? For that, you are MY bitch!"

THE END


End file.
